I'm trying to adopt the very contagious "happy" outlook on life. I'm starting to think the only way to do it though, is to remind yourself everyday of what makes you happy instead of rehashing what upsets you. So I'm going to try. I feel like I'm a stump on a log sometimes, and I know everyone can be but I feel I am more often then most. First I'm going to lay out what it is I feel I'm missing so that I can leave it alone and move on.
1st and foremost - my job. it's boring and drains the life out of me everyday by the time I leave. I just want to go home and sleep. which brings us to
2nd - I feel lazy... like I don’t do anything. Maybe I miss school, and homework and studying for tests. I'm not sure. It's just that going home and having nothing to do drives me crazy. Like I need to implement my own mandatory housework or socializing work everyday so that I have some direction when I get home. I hate waisting the rest of the day sitting on my couch.
3rd - I'm lonely. Not only in the no one loves me way, although it would be nice to have a mutual love interest. I don’t really feel like I have many friends anymore. In college we had a ton of ppl that wanted to hang out after school until real late and all weekend long. Now, I have nothing to keep me busy AND no one to hang out with. (Besides my two lovely ladies that read this...)
4th - I'm fat. I'm working on it, but it's really hard. Every time I go on a diet I get hungry all day long. Like I know I shouldn’t eat it so I have to eat it... I set ridiculous goals for myself and beat myself up for not reaching them. Like now... I set a 3 lb weight loss per week goal.. I've lost like 2 in a whole month! Way to go me! :(
I'm sure there are more... but those are the big ones.
So to try and be happy more I'm going to:
1 - look for a new job within the company for 2-3 months after my 1 year hits (June 1st) then start looking outside. Find something new and interesting. Maybe a job that isn’t confined to a desk. My only hesitation is that b/c of my lease and rent due, I'd need to make at least what I'm making here... which really isn’t a lot and shouldn’t be too hard to do... lets hope.
2 - I already swim with mom and Amanda 2 to 3 times a week and go to moms on Tuesday for Biggest Loser. But I really enjoyed going to Taylor and Olivia's house for tutoring b/c it gave me a new thing to do. For two hours I was back in school helping little girls study. So I don’t know if I need to look for volunteer tutoring places or what, but I enjoyed having somewhere to be where my showing up mattered.
3 - I know for the love portion, no one can help me but myself... I'm utterly awkward and it doesn’t help. I'm shy and standoffish but I know the only way to meet the one is to meet everyone. I need to go out and socialize. Doing so might introduce new friends to my life. I loved the ones I had but people grow up and a lot of the time apart. It's not like they are completely gone or there was some big falling out with anyone, really, just that we don’t all doing much together anymore. Everyone's kinda doing there own thing.
4 - Keep on, keepin on. I've just got to accept that this is going to be a lifelong journey for me. I've always been big so it's always going to be something I have to work on. I'm going to need to dress up more (at my size) not wait to loose weight to buy clothes. Be happy for how I am while I am...
So there ya have it. I'll try to do a things that make me happy w/ pictures a little later when the new pics have been updated.
Love y'all!
I think reinventing your look on life has to go in steps. I used to be super bubbly... like annoyingly so. I knew everyone and had confidence a few years living in a bad situation and all that was gone. So since like 2002 I have been trying. It so easy to be snarky and sit at my computer and play dumb computer games cause its hot outside... so I guess its time for me to be more radical too! I am always here if you want someplace to be. Leland loves you to bits too... he always needs new friends to jump with:D
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